I Say To Myself: My self...

-Slaying the dragon? More like bottling the genie.

-On behalf of the whole, we, the sixteenths, would like you to consider the other two-thirds.

-Finding positive attributes to more and more mental disorders for 27 years: Vote George Czar.

-Finding the fun side to every facet of this desecrated jewel for over 27 years: Vote George Czar.

-For 27 years I've been your man with a plan--just waitin' to hatch it: Vote George Czar, 9th Volt D.C. Circuit Judge.

-I just remembered these fingernail clippings I found behind someone's couch in New Jersey when I was a kid like twenty years ago with Bon Jovi wafting through the air. The couch was a velvety blue. I was trying hard not to look at the nail clippings, not wanting to embarrass the owner. But I couldn't help but to keep checking on them. Yep, they're definitely real, I thought---and nail clippings. Checking again--yep--there they are; plain as day, a small pile of nail clippings behind a velvety blue couch with Bon Jovi wafting through the air in New Jersey. My life starts here, I thought.

-Yeah, but are those legal tender loins?

-I hate those models. They're all a bunch of f***in' posers.

-Extra!Extra! Read All About It:
Models Strike Posing, Striking Poses

Models walked up and down the catwalk on one of New York's busiest runways today, carrying picket signs, apparently on strike. Katherine Lichen, her sashay in synch with a heart-throbbing 'NSync bassline, brandished a sign which read "Fur NOT Fer Her!" Further mixing the signals was the faux fox draped luxuriantly around her very real duck-billed platypus. An unidentified judge yelled out, "What's this all about?!"

Katherine Lichen replied, "We're striking!"

"Well, what are you striking fer? Fur?" The judge asked.

"No. NOT fer her. Fur."

"That's what I said, Fur."

"NO. NOT FER HER."

"Oh, fur get it."

Whipping her hair around, as she stopped with legs ascissored, hands hiply, turning at the waist, looking back at the judge, she hollers, "Well, we're also striking the poses, too."

"Yeah, I can see that." Says the judge. "Hey, nice beaver."

"It's a duck-billed platypus." She said like a saxophone.

"Whatever."

Hermit Thee Toad reporting for The Dissociated Press

-"A Little Ant Goes a Long Way" by George Czar, © 2005, Jazzar's Bazzar Press
Synopsis: Illustrated Children's Book. Ages 4 - 83 1/3. This is a charming little tale about an ant, Aunt Tenna. Aunt Tenna is a little ant that goes for a walk in the forest but gets lost along the way. Aunt Tenna goes far and wide trying to find her way home. Then, she pauses to ponder a riddle. Was it 'homing' or 'honing' that she was trying to do, she thinks. She's not sure. She wavers. She doubts. Then! She spots her house. Horay! "I'm a little ant, but I can go a long way." Aunt Tenna said. But just then, a praying mantis and its child swoop down. The child grabs little Aunt Tenna in his mandibular clutches. "Ah-Ah-AHHH!" says the mother mantis (or--alternatively--screams Aunt Tenna). "Not until you say grace, young man. A little ant goes a long way." Billy, the preying praying praying mantis, then goes on his own big adventure with a lot of help from a little Aunt Tenna.




© 2005 George Czar